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hemp
06.05.05 (6:44 pm)   [edit]

hemp


 


Marijuana, pot, weed, bud, grass, the devils grass, the wacky tobaccy, the ganja, the herb, the sticky icky, hemp; there’s one that doesn’t fit the list. Hemp and marijuana come from the same plant this is true. Cannabis sativa is the technical term for the plant. THC is the narcotic agent in marijuana. Marijuana has about 20 to 30% THC where as hemp contains less than 1 percent, making it useless as a drug. You could smoke a 15 foot stalk of hemp and not get high. Hemp is the most misunderstood, misrepresent, and unnecessarily feared substance in America yet ironically has played a key role in our countries development all the way up to world war two. Hemp is a incredibly versatile substance it’s being researched to used as biodegradable plastic, a bio-diesel fuel, and a whole other host of bio products.


Hemp once was a essential part of America along with the world. It’s can be traced back over 10,000 years ago in pottery. If prostitution can be the worlds oldest profession, hemp might be the world oldest industry. There was established laws making farmers grow a certain quantities of hemp. In 1619 the first law to have all farmers grow Indian hemp seeds in the colony Jamestown, Virginia followed by connected in 1631, masseuses in 1632, and so on. In 1705 an act was passed that would offer 6 pounds for every ton of hemp produced in the united states. Not only did we produce hemp but it was a huge import into the colonies. For two hundred year we were able to pay taxes with hemp… We can’t even phantom a time when that was a reality. George Washington, the man that is on ever quarter and every dollar bill that the untied states prints grew and advocated growing hemp.


Hemp was completely legal until 1937 when Congress passed the Marijuana Tax Act outlawing marijuana and placing heavy restrictions on the growing of hemp including needing a permit, making growing Hemp economically impossible.


War and hemp, hemp and war what a odd combination. Not really we need cheap, strong rope and clothes… hemp provides both. During World War II farmers were encouraged to grow hemp for the war effort “hemp for victory.” In 1942 hemp was need for rope so it was legalized until the end of the war when the “prohibition” was stared again. Hemp for victory, such a ironic term for in 1861 Sterling Price of the confederate army in Lexington Mass. ingenuously used bails of hemp to shield his soldiers form northern fire . They rolled the huge bails of hemp and fired from behind them as they moved… winning the battle. Obviously we can’t be preoccupied with the fact it was the south that won, just the fact of how they won.


Hemp could be in almost every product we use today, but is not it was banned in the interest of a few large corporations. Oil, fuel, plastic, paper, rope, soap, tea, lotion, and a whole other host of products can and are produced with hemp. Until 1883, 80 percent of the worlds paper was made from hemp. There was an estimated 80 millions dollars in sales on hemp products in 2000 world wide. Hemp produces more paper and can be recycled more times than the same acre of forest. Dupont, the forests industry, the cotton industry, and grand total of 19 companies all played a key role in wiping the cannabis plant out of the united states. We were the first country in the world to order the destruction of the hemp plant even if it was for industrial use. There is an organization that created car that run off of hemp fuel traveling the Untied states. Not only can bio-diesel be made from hemp but airplane fuel, and even methanol worth of nasal. Between July 4 2001 and October 2nd 2001 the hemp car drove a record 10,000 miles across the untied states on only bio-diesel fuel. Bio-diesel type fuels are not a new idea. Henry Ford, Founder of the Ford Motor company foresaw the use of hemp as both a material for cars and fuel all the way back in 1930. Ford engineers extracted methanol, charcoal fuel, tar, pitch, ethyl-acetate and creosote. These are all essential to so any industries and are all supplied by the oil industry.


From a war hero, to Assassin of our Youth, from billion dollar cash crop to reefer madness, and from a product to a drug. Imagine where the untied states might be if low THC hemp was legal for every one.

 
teach me love not hate, teach me peace not war
01.24.05 (9:29 pm)   [edit]

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
martin luther king jr.


 

 
What i'd like to shove up your ass for christmas
12.24.04 (7:07 pm)   [edit]

Santa can shove this fake holiday up his and his god damn imaginary reindeer’s ass. This holiday is so horrible. When we become parents god help us, we’ll see this holiday for what it is, greed festival. Greed-mas is when all the poor parents that can’t afford the over priced toys that are marketed to the kids like a fucking drug, a social drug that melts their fucking hard earned money to a puddle of boiling plastic. I hate thanks giving too but that for a different reason I just don’t like my family. But at least on thanks giving you don’t have to spend outrageous amounts of cash for shit you’ll throw away. Why can’t we just get together and have another big party like thanks giving and “celebrate” Jesus birth… ohh yeah that’s what this holiday is for… well fuck. Really don’t matter seeing I don’t believe in god but hey. My mom use to work 2 jobs to get my brothers and I, the gifts we wanted, I of course didn’t see the stress that was bearing down on her. Ho did this holiday become such a corrupt and horrible time of year. I see car commercials advertising there cars like it would be nothing to go buy a quick stocking stuffer, a new Jaggier, and the fucking Zalles diamonds are forever starting at ONLY 999.99. Ohh as for Santa’s, you fucking corporate sell out. Did you know the reason he’s red is… d4rumb roll please, coke decided to color him red as a marketing ploy form his original black and white…. Chimneys, soot, cough ect, and I guess it worked he’s now one big red fucking marketing tool. So what’s this all about, why am I ranting about this tonight. Because if every person in the entire untied states were not to show up to work, no buy a single god damn thing just for a single day… our country would fall apart and every seam.

:twisted: happy freak'n holidays
 
top 20
11.26.04 (2:49 pm)   [edit]

20. Warm rain


19. Smells of chalk boards


18. Lost with no way of returning


17. Stale wafers


16. Skipping school


15. Smell of coffee


14. Watching a movies you’ve seen 100 times, and still can’t remember that one line


13. Snow at night


12. Washing clothes and finding money


11. Telling a joke that some one actually laughs at


10. Laughing at something no one else gets


9. Staying up late cause a friend comes to visit


8. Finding out some one likes you (whether or not you like them or not)


7. Girls hair


6. Reading a poem or story and coming away with more than that fact that you read something


5. Hearing a song and your mind drifts to where ever it was you were


4. Laying in the middle of a field


3. Driving at night with a car full of friends with no real purpose reason


2. That smell that for some reason you can’t remember where you smelt it last


1. Remembering that your not the only person that’s ever been there

 
happiness
10.29.04 (11:12 am)   [edit]

I had an epiphany, I’ve been rolling the idea of marriage over and over in my mind. I truly don’t like the idea of marriage, how can you with our devoice being at 50% and it feels like the worlds going to hell. 60% of the You ES of A-holes is obese, which reflects the way our nation is, bunch of fact, redneck aristocrats. My mo is going to be getting married to one of the biggest ass, I know. But you know what? He’s so kind to her, and some how she sees something in him. For all his short coming he’s makes my mom happier than I ever seen her. I couldn’t figure out what I had against him, besides being a jerk to me. It’s the fact I hate my dad, and how horrible of a person he is. I’ve been masking the fear of loosing my mom with the assumption that he will be just like my dad, ruin her life all over. To under stand why I hate my dad you have to under stand y her hatred my half brother so much. He is jealous of my brother and blames all his problems on him. Use him as the biggest scapegoat goat in the history of his pathetic life. Yes my brother has his problems, but I bet if you trace them back you’ll see my dad is the center point if it all. He calls my brother “evil” and says he’s going to sue him…. For what? Who the fuck knows. He thinks the reason I hate him is cause my mom brain washed me lol “I shall laugh the worst laugh I have ever laughed” Robert frost. Have you ever heard of something so obtuse, how do you come to some conclusion like that? Further more he try to tell me my brother raped me. Take a second to think that over… He said I just blocked it out of my memory, how convenient for him I must say. Fuck you and your god damn existence I wish you never laid you seed of decent in my mom. True I wouldn’t be here but nether would suck a fucked up mans influence on my mom. A fear of becoming my dad in beneath my skin like a parasite it feeds off me taking my soul one bit at a time. Like pulling a devil out of me I disowned him from my life. Daren tried to tell me to keep him in my life, I have made him my enemy from his own deceptions and I will not let him find my weakness. Maybe one day he’ll realize his two children hate him and change, butt hope is just empty, how can a man like that eve change. He has instilled in me the fear of marriage, of failure, and this chains will be broken one link at a time.


please don't say i'm nothing like him

 
re: hanoijane
10.06.04 (8:01 pm)   [edit]

Tough color selection to read. Much of what you say is true. One problem, if all men acted as you suggest throughout our history, you would have no blog rights either. Thank God there are men of character and courage who choose to defend us. Typing words in anger with bravado requires neither.


Response:


Please don’t hide behind if they didn’t fight you wouldn’t be here, how do you know that? Secondly I’m not brave, to quote a brave man Popie “I am who I am”. We have fabricated this idea that the only way to be brave is to get bullets thrown at us. “There is never a good war, or a bad peace” you know what brave man wrote that? Benjamin Franklin. One of the people who so bravely used words to create this place. I’m not an American, the America we believe to be our home is not what I believe in. I’m not an anarchist, a communist, or a god fairing man. I’m just simply put a human being. I do not hate fighters, I believe they’re foolish and miss led but hey they too are human. How can we stand by and silently watch as our president rips a country apart? Forcing on them our ideals, believe, government, and even religion, most in impurely what we believe to be freedom. True Suddam was a horrible human, “absolute power corrupts absolutely” we have know this to be a truth. How is our president any better just cause he’s here and not killing our men on our ground. If it’s another country he becomes a savor, he has visions of grandeur. How does it make any sense that some one killed 3000 people here and it’s terrorism, but 1000 people die there and he’s a hero? We being lied to, every news broad cast, “it’s not our media it’s there fucking media”


p.s. sorry about the color

 
FUck america
09.22.04 (5:51 pm)   [edit]

ANTI-FLAG



"Anatomy Of Your Enemy"

10 easy steps to create an enemy and start a war:
Listen closely because we will all see this weapon used in our lives.
It can be used on a society of the most ignorant to the most highly educated.
We need to see their tactics as a weapon against humanity and not as truth.

First step: create the enemy. Sometimes this will be done for you.

Second step: be sure the enemy you have chosen is nothing like you.
Find obvious differences like race, language, religion, dietary habits
fashion. Emphasize that their soldiers are not doing a job,
they are heartless murderers who enjoy killing!

Third step: Once these differences are established continue to reinforce them
with all disseminated information.

Fourth step: Have the media broadcast only the ruling party's information
this can be done through state run media.
Remember, in times of conflict all for-profit media repeats the ruling party's information.
Therefore all for-profit media becomes state-run.

Fifth step: show this enemy in actions that seem strange, militant, or different.
Always portray the enemy as non-human, evil, a killing machine.

[Chorus:]
THIS IS HOW TO CREATE AN ENEMY. THIS IS HOW TO START A WAR.
THIS IS HOW TO CREATE AN ENEMY.

Sixth step: Eliminate opposition to the ruling party.
Create an "Us versus Them" mentality. Leave no room for opinions in between.
One that does not support all actions of the ruling party should be considered a traitor.

Seventh step: Use nationalistic and/or religious symbols and rhetoric to define all actions.
This can be achieved by slogans such as "freedom loving people versus those who hate freedom."
This can also be achieved by the use of flags.

Eighth step: Align all actions with the dominant deity.
It is very effective to use terms like, "It is god's will" or "god bless our nation."

Ninth step: Design propaganda to show that your soldiers
have feelings, hopes, families, and loved ones.
Make it clear that your soldiers are doing a duty; they do not want or like to kill.

Tenth step: Create and atmosphere of fear, and instability
and then offer the ruling party as the only solutions to comfort the public's fears.
Remembering the fear of the unknown is always the strongest fear.

[Chorus (repeat)]

We are not countries. We are not nations. We are not religions.
We are not gods. We are not weapons. We are not ammunition. We are not killers.
We will NOT be tools.

Mother fuckers
I will not die
I will not kill
I will not be your slave
I will not fight your battle
I will not die on your battlefield
I will not fight for your wealth
I am not a fighter
I am a human being!!!


Note: no mater how much you try to prove this wrong, you find your self useing the smae bull shit the media uses on you. you know this is true, you know thier lieng

 
an old essay
08.11.04 (8:16 pm)   [edit]

Believe That I Will Fall


To believe in something, almost anything at all, has to be the hardest things for a person to do. We’re molded, sculpted, and shaped around every failure; every incident where you got left behind; like a scare in your back the failures follows you. It’s sad but that’s how we learn best is though mistakes and failures. I’m sure the first time you ever put your hand on a hot stove was probably the last. Skeptics by nature, where were raised into a society that shows mistrust is the only way to survive. The mental anguish we are drug through from the very moment we begin to from ideas of our own. Misleading advertisements, Government scandals, and even the media, all lying and deceiving to earn you falsely sought after trust.


I do not believe in god. It took me many years to figure out why it was so hard to say that. Fear, It drives us as if it was the ultimate motivator. You don’t even have to think to be afraid. You become dumb, blinded, like if you were to say the heavens them selves would open up and strike you dead when you’re afraid. Almost every one believes in some sort of higher power, does that prove it is true? If so how can there be so many different ones? Think back to the great wars of the religions, they still continue today. Even if you were to just look at Christianity, you see a struggle for power. Nowhere in the bible does in say people must form groups and believe only one way. All I know is that the bible does give us a great deal of hope. During dark times people need hope. With hope people stay calm, and don’t become irrational. As we evolve as a society I believe that religion will fade. We won’t need this blanket or these guild lines that seem people have trouble still following even when they attend church.


As the creation of Israel is after math of thousands of years of oppression of the Jewish people. It took many bloody battles and many years of unspeakable horrors to realize this dream. Yet they are still not at peace. The country is ravaged by suicide bombers, who are the product of lies and turning religion into a weapon. Now that we have a feeling of security it ‘s ambushed by the one thing we could all turn to. I’m having a hard time believing the one thing that is suppose to save is worth believing in.


My grandma told me a story once of her friend. A young boy named Jim was a faithful child as most children are. He went to a catholic school and every day he would get one his knees and make a big fist with his fingers over lapping each other and held them tight then listened to every word the preacher spoke. He did this every day without question. He soon started to believe that during this time if he were to take his hands apart the church would crumble around him and anger god himself. A child can only wonder so long before the curiosity eats at his very soul and the question must be answered. So he finally mustered up the guts to go against his faith, or even more to test his faith. All he had come to know about his world was now gripped in his hands. He held more power than he had ever known. So he pulled his pinkie off, almost like it was Velcro it resisted but he ended up forcing it off, then nothing happened. So he pulled his next finger even slower and his heart began to race as he tightened his eyes and awaited the chaos soon to occur, but nothing happened. He finally let his hands free and jumped up. His heart was racing so fast, he felt like he was going to faint “Oh my god, what have I done!” Is the only thing he could think. He soon realized the church is still there. Nothing happened, nothing at all. All the people are still in prayer and the priest is still rambling on so all was well. So he got up from this atrocity that has occurred and walked out the two huge wooden doors at the front of the church never to return again...


The simple mind of a child can believe in something so deeply but so false, but this is not far from what people as a whole believe. They world will fall apart if they take there hand from the pray position, or get up from there rugs pointing at Mecca. We question everything else in the world, from the world being flat, all the way to how to enforce these “guidelines” that were placed before us. We’ve had rebellions to revolutions, revelations to epiphany to change the world, by disbelieving what was thought to be truths. Would the world be so terrible if we tried to question your own beliefs and not every one else’s? Not saying don’t believe in something; Just ask your self if it is what is true to you. Open your mind to the possibly that some one else might have an answerer you never thought of.

 
[b]Warning[/b]
07.31.04 (10:32 pm)   [edit]
Warning
By: incubus

Bat your eyes girl
Be otherworldly
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What's so wrong with
Being happy
Kudos to those who
See through sickness
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves before it's
Made illegal
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to
See it all fall down
Those left standing...will make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
Floating in this
Cosmic jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil
No one flinches
We all float face down
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by


read this and and acculy hink about what thier trying to tell you.

 
It all comes down to a simple choice I guess. Get busy live’n or get busy die’n...
07.28.04 (8:02 pm)   [edit]
You feel the passion towards something, and it burns in your soul. But like a match unless used to light another it is just doomed to puff out in a small ball of smoke quickly forgotten. The smell fades and you’ll never give it a second thought. How can we life our lives one forgotten euphony to the next. I think every light that we let go out is tearing one more page out tell it’s just a simple book cover, perhaps like a tomb stone it reads a small parody, a title, or clever quote describing what once what with in, and written by: your name . doomed to be judged right.
 
fuck it
07.28.04 (7:48 pm)   [edit]
day 2
we got drunk and dug a hole but not in that order... ohh yeah whitey made out with that chick more :!:
 
a week end well needed
07.12.04 (8:01 pm)   [edit]
Day 1
A 3 hour drive through 5 counties and countless small towns we arrive at a good size cabin, in the middle of what seems to hick vile usa. Where the biggest stores for 10 miles are the gas stations and antique store ever so often. People stare as we drive by knowing we came from up north just to have fun. I really don’t under stand what the fuck they do out here all year, but that y it was so great. Something new. We walk in the cabin and notice a couch and 4 chairs and at the end a small dinning room table. No TV, no microwave, no drinkable water, but filled with charm. We go up stares where there’s 7 beds and a some what new room at the end. I notice at the top of the hazardous and rickety starts small black pebbles, quickly realizing there were rat/ mouse droppings. You could hear the rats at night running in the walls. All the walls around had a rim of water damage and looked very worn in. me and Eric called the room at the end witch had a corner couch and a small radiator. This place felt more alive and had more soul that any new house with everything possible ever could. Even in the down times where a video game or a TV show would entertain us we were not complaining, it was a really good feeling.

We had one condition to go there and that was to cut the grass… lil did we know that we had a short fuel supplier and would end up doing a large part with an electric weed waker we brought along. Ti was a good way to get in the mood off things. We went out to the beach shortly after to do hat we came to do SEE THE FUCKING OCEAN. As we walked up the last stretch tell the beach the sun was setting in the west but the tide was rolling in. the sky was still very bright was just a hint of gold. The clouds were choppy and stood on the horizon as it they admired us as much as we did them. The sand was still warm and filled the crakes between my toes. I felt like I could be turn to stone and never have to leave their, a memory like forgot sandals on the beach.

We returned and the rest of the central…lites? Showed up. Onna, lora, tara, and robert. We all claimed our beds and kinda stayed in our lil groups tell later that night. After a nice game of apple to apples… which was funny as shit, we burned down the forest and got drunk… ok it’s not that simple but still that about the just of it ;) all of a sudden it sounded like a good idea to run to the beach at midnight and jump in the water… I’m surprises no one died ;) we all came back and chilled around the camp fire gnome went to bed cause he was the only sober one and decide it wasn’t fun… my dumb ass wakes him up and I fall on my bed and blatantly ask if he’s awake. I guess whitey hooked up with Tara! Not like boofingg or any thing just smooch ;) but I was gone by then or I just didn’t notice.

To be continued…
 
4th
07.04.04 (10:39 am)   [edit]
BLINK 182

"Carousel"

I talk to you every now and then
I never felt so alone again
I stop to think at a wishing well
My thoughts send me on a carousel

Here I am standing on my own
Not a motion from the telephone
I know not a reason why
Solitudes a reason to die

Just you wait and see
As school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone?

I guess its just another
I guess its just another
I guess its just another night alone

Now as I walk down the street
I need a job just to sleep in sheets
Buying food every once in a while
But not enough to purchase a smile

A tank of gas is a treasure to me
I know now that nothing is free
I talk to you every now and then
I never felt so alone again

Just you wait and see
As school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone?

I guess its just another
I guess its just another
I guess its just another night alone
 
cuz
06.26.04 (11:53 pm)   [edit]
sup d-diggity-dawg!
lol like kaitlyn says if i was any whiter i'd be shot... or sothgin liek that lol. so yeah my ccuz'n been hanging out w/me all week end, the one that jsut got out off rehab. she seems liek she's really doing good. iv'e come to the cconlution that a island is a horrible palce to raise a kid. i'd rather have it be a ghetto then here, than at least every one can realize thiers a problem instead of just sweeping it uder the rug. white collar subria in the middle of the sound, far from any sort of normal. but yeah any ways. i'm tired lol so i'm probly goin to be going to bed.

w/ luv hines
 
me luv you long tyme!
06.21.04 (7:00 pm)   [edit]
WOW I haven’t bloged in ever, so much to tell but so little that I will haha that’s what you get for not being me!
So yeah I’m working full time now and making more money than I ever have but it’s still far from being a “good income” I mean I’m working 3 moths for the city in the summer what do ya expect. Me and Ryan.. Oh Ryan and I fuck off! We’re trying to get back into shape we’ve gone 2 days in a row boohoo. My knee’s killing me but that’s the what alwAYS HAPPENS THEN I LET IT REST AND SIT ON MY ASS AND THAT’S Y I DIDN’T GO THE GYM FOR A FREAK’N MOTH! I hate cap locks I really do. But I got a goal of 40 pounds by the time school starts again. I know that’s a lot but I think I can do it.
Ohh sad news to all who thought I was going to cook them the best dinner of their lives… I’m quitting culinary and going to get my AA to transfer to a 4 year… surprise!

Kait’s birthday was on Wednesday (15th) … god I miss her so much… just keep wishing and thinking of a way to get her to love me… but I know that’s not possible… and I know were going to be friends… I know I will always love her, I just hope it gets easier.

On the light side of things I get to see my cuz this week end that just got of rehab lol doesn’t that make her sound so hard core…. But not it’s not like that she got mix’d into some bad shit and getting help I hope she gets the message. I love her so much she my favorite cuz’n shhh don’t tell any one that lol my family is the gossip central my grandma… the queen she know that happened before any one else.. It’s kinda scary I think she might have a crystal ball…

But yeah I can’t think of any other shit o write so tata

mood: ehh kinda tired it's so freak'n hot!!
Music: the low buz of the 3 fans and th muble of god's in a box
 
song 1
06.02.04 (12:22 pm)   [edit]
A.F.I.
God Called In Sick Today

Let's admire the pattern forming.
Murderous filigree.
I'm caught in the twisting of the vine.
Go ascend with ivy, climbing.
Ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind.

I can't help my laughter as she cries.
My soul brings tears to angelic eyes.

Let's amend the classic story, close it so beautifully, I'll let animosity unwind.
Steal away the darkened pages, hidden so shamefully. I'll still feel the violence of the lines.
I can't stand my laughter as they cry.
My soul brings tears to angelic eyes.
And miles away my mother cries. Omnipotence, nurturing malevolence.


this song gave me chills the first time i heard it...
I really didn't want to put up a real post, so you get one of my favorit songs
 
i'll think o one later
05.28.04 (9:44 am)   [edit]
I decided not go camping. In my genius I for saw the terror of sitting i9n a camper w/ my mom and her boy friend, listing to him try and get under my skin that thankfully he has yet to figure out how. It's kind of funny though cause with my brother he know what to say and when . I'd have sympathy but he knows how to do it to me and uses thet knowledge relentlessly. SO FUCK HIM HAHAHAHA.
Any ways, this weekd end is going be kinda fun cause ain’t gots to work, I aint’s got no home work, and ain’ts got my mom to bother me all week end.
FOLK LIFE fest, YAY I’m proibly going to spend most my sat there. I’d go Monday but it’s ryan and steffs day and I know if I saw th I’d hang out with them and become the third wheel, which is cool.
I hope I get to see kait this week end
 
school... mule
05.27.04 (7:26 am)   [edit]
This is the first time I think Ive blogd, when I have been in a decentalty good mood. Its weird at school all my problems at home seem to be a faint noise in the back ground and Im entwined with the days activates. its going to be weird being so close to home during the summer when I work for the city. The people here are awesome though I gonna miss them o well Ill be back next year.
 
disspare
05.13.04 (7:52 pm)   [edit]
I can feel it building the a cloud in the distance on a sunny day . You hear the thunder and know the rain is soon to follow..
Staring down the barrel of the methodical gun. The explosion that rips out the back of my skull

I awake in my darkened room and realize Ive been awake all night thinking. Why cant I make her happy. My moth feels as if I have been crewing on the inside of my many pillows. So I drag my self off the floor and get a glass of water. I viscously gulp it down. And feel almost glutinous. I left the lights off cause it hurts to much to turn them on. I open the fridge even though Im far from hungry, as if their would be something new in their that wasnt there a couple hours ago. The light hits me like a hammer. I slam it shut as if it was a anti-snack device if it was it worked well. I stumble back to bed and lay back down. The nights are still cold and I leave my window open so that my room fill with the cold like a gas chamber slowly creeping, silently it engulfs my lungs and the warmth of my covers become a womb for me to sleep my worries away and be reborn again in the morning.
I wake half dazed, scratching at any possible reason to stay in bed. I argue with my self, knowing the out come quite well but cant face the truth. As if it hasnt been the same every day for the past seven some years of my life. It was easy when your mom would walk in and turn on the lights. Might as well throw a shoe at you, but that was only for mornings I would fall back asleep oblivious to the bright blinding light. But my reasoning soon runs out and gravity kicks into gear the world starts turning and Im thrown out my front door, indisputably to do this dance once again.
 
the good, the bad and the ugly
05.08.04 (6:42 pm)   [edit]
Its final the world is trying to push me over the edge Ill start off with the good news.
1. After watching kait in the benroia hall we hung out a lil today for the first time. She had to interview my grandma for school but it was just a scapegoat excuse for me to see her. Not sure it that works both ways. Every time I see her I fall even more in love. I hope this break ends soon so I can hold her in my arms and not never to let go.
2. Im going to be on the news! My mom got her finial interview for her surgery with nbc. So some time in the next month. So yay.
Bad news
1. Bad news New lil 16 year old cuzin is in rehab for drugs. Oh my god!!!! I figured she did a lil stuff but not meth and E and shit. I love her to death I would die for her shes like my lil sister and this shit happens. I should of told her about the down falls I should of showed her how much I was against it. I thought I did. I guess not. She wants me to write her so after this I am going to. You dont even understand how much this hurts
2.I visited Jordans grave today. I needed to I was killing me I hadnt done it yet. I miss him so much. Every day I regret not calling him to go to a movie or something anything Fuck.

P.S ross and rachel got back together!
 
twilight
05.07.04 (11:02 pm)   [edit]
I hadn't seen her in over a months time. Now i get to admire her from afar. As they single file walked out the door i was filled with a sort of antistpation ihadn't felt in a long time. I saw her face, My heart started beating fast. SHe jsut as buitiful as I left her. She began to sing and i couldn't stop staring at her. I'm jellous of the floor she stands on, the air she breaths, the song that filled her lungs and was exhaliled into the vast harmounis song. after the lights faded i debated to see her and congratulater her, hoping for a huge hug filled with a sence of belonging. ut no i though tit would be just a selfish antidout to my pain. so i sliped out the front hoping in the back of my mind she would spot me... i never saw her... i miss her so.
 
Hump day
04.28.04 (8:45 pm)   [edit]
Middle of the weeks finally here that means 2 more days to lazy ness. I hope me and kaitlyn get to hang out this weekend, its been a long time and feel so distant from her. We have to start fixn all this crap sometime.
I beat kingdom hearts! Lol Im suck a nerd I went over to bobby and Ryans for like a week strait and just played that game. It was just a little escape from reality I guess I needed something to keep my mind from thinking.
But yeah school this weeks has actually been fun cause theyre letting me make more than just carrots and slicing melons. I made some bomb ass ribs and to I made a chicken loaf that is more fatting than a tub of shorting.
But I really dont feel like typen up to much more so Ill just leave ya with a sort offthats gross kinda feeling. :?
 
school one life...10,687,677,495.4
04.06.04 (6:48 pm)   [edit]
:twisted: I have set into motion a plan to take over the world... ( if any one has a dooms day devise they might be able to lend me it would be much appreciated)
So yeah. I found out something really funny that I forgot about and brought to light makes me glad I took psychology. When I was about 5 my dad ran about of gas on the freeway in our old station wagon. We had to walk like a mile and a half or something to get back to the car. ( back then that was far) but yeah I swore Id never let any one run out of gas again cause I didnt want to walk. For the next couple years I drove my mom crazy asking her if we had enough gas. Years when by and that all faded into a forgot memory trapped in the abyss that is me. Ive always noticed I was paranoid about running out of gas like in the bluu luu maguu my first car. I never knew y but now I know! My subconscious actually had a effect that with out my knowing made me scared of running out of gas! Yay Freud!
 
dumb boy
03.31.04 (4:26 pm)   [edit]
:roll: I dont like most rap, gangster rap and all that shit the condone violence over reason. fuck that shit it aint a race thing it's not a music choice it's a fucking stand against brain washing the youth into believing that there is only one way to solve a problem is guns. This is also y Ive suck a anti-war person... but Ill get into that later the whole fuck bush" issue.
my mom's bf Darin, well his fucking son just fucked up his life in a big way. We just got finished with a 3 day project on a baseball field and came back to the shop to put all the tools away and take a break. Darren gets a a call and I hear a voice on the phone very faint but enough to make it out "hi Mr. Snow?" Darren replies yeah" the voice comes back to say "this is the vice principle at joshes school" ... I couldn't make much out after that but the anger in Darren eye's would rival the devil getting cheat out of a poker game. he give a lil hop in anger and holds back his swearing only answering "yes sir to the vice principle. After he hung up the phone he yells FUCK! and almost throws his phone looks at me and says in the calmest voice possible I have to up to joshes school he brought a knife to school, there was suppose to be a big fight and he brought a knife he told me to keep busy and left
Do you really think he would of brought a knife if he didnt think it to be socially accepted?
Do you think he was actually to use the knife or just show it to them to scar them.
What ever happened the ides of fighting fair to the point of being a man and taking a left to the jaw?
If you know please tell me
:?:
 
i've been working on the ball feild...
03.29.04 (9:34 pm)   [edit]
Im on spring break this week so I did what any normal teenager with a huge hole in his pocket would do. Got a job and threw away my break to try and get some moola. Im working with my mom boy friend daren. Hes a cool guy. Reminds me of my brother a lil to much. Its like that whole Etific sp* complex in reverse you know where the dude loves his mom and Freud made a big deal out of it saying it was a stage in our development never mind forget it. But yeah hes still a good man and loves my mom a lot even if he is to man to say it. But out of all the men my moms been with I respect him a 100 times more (thats a fuck you to my dad). So in conclusion, Im going to bed :?